Confessions of a Battered Soul
by Crimson Vixen
Summary: Kaoru wants to tell Kenshin how she really feels.


Confessions of a Battered Soul  
Rurouni Kenshin  
Crimson Vixen  
  
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Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
Another story where Kaoru tells Kenshin about how she feels. As if that story hasn't been played out hundreds of times, ne? Well anyhue, here's another one for all you lovely people to flame and/or praise, depending on your view. God Bless, my loves!  
  
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There he was again, washing the laundry. There seems to be so much of that every day now. Never in her life had Kamiya Kaoru expected to open her home and hospitality to the 'freeloaders' that she had quickly grew to love with all of her heart. But her once lonely heart held a special place for the red-headed rurouni that she was now watching from the shadows of the dojo.  
  
Kenshin had a smile on his face as he dunked the next piece of clothing into the bucket of soapy water. The sun peeked over one of the white fluffy clouds as he twisted it to release drops of cold water.  
  
The sun made shadows dances across his handsome features, and Kaoru sighed. Whether it was a sigh of longing, or just a sigh of boredom, she didn't know, and she never took the time to push the matter.  
  
Why did Kenshin enjoy doing the laundry and other tasks that were not meant for him? She actually took into consideration that Kenshin took advantage of the alone time to think. It was the perfect excuse. Doing the laundry was nothing big...Nothing to be proud of, and with the repetitive motions, one can let their mind wander.  
  
Yet, Kaoru couldn't help but ask herself...  
  
'Has he ever thought about me?'  
  
She quickly shook her head after that thought. How selfish she was being!  
  
But...  
  
"Kenshin..." She found the name slipping through her lips, and she brought two pale and slender fingers over them.  
  
The rurouni paused a moment and Kaoru wondering if he had somehow heard her. As impossible it seemed, she wouldn't have been surprised. Of course, Kenshin probably sensed her presence long before she had opened her mouth.  
  
He turned his head and gave her that smile. His eyes closed in joy, his cheekbones rising along with his ears, and his scar slightly rising along with it. That smile. How it made her heart stop. And once it started beating again, it was hard to slow it down.  
  
Why couldn't she tell him? Was she afraid that the feelings were not returned? Was she unsure of herself?  
  
Did she really love him?  
  
Of course she did.  
  
She remembered a long time ago a conversation she had with his father about marriage. She had asked how you knew you were in love. Her father had given her a variety of responses, one of which was if you knew if you were willing to spend the rest of your life with someone.  
  
The rest of your life.  
  
Kaoru's shoulders sunk a bit as she grounded her teeth together in thought. That was a long time. But a glance at Kenshin set her straight.  
  
She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Kenshin.  
  
Her childish daydreams took control at that moment. How Kenshin was so handsome and well built. And he wasn't too tall or too short! And...and Kaoru Himura! Kaoru Kenshin! All names definitely had potential. Kenshin Kamiya! It had somewhat of a nice ring to it. She giggled slightly at how it just kind of rolled off the tongue. Oh and the sound of his soothing voice when he called her name. Kaoru...Kaoru...Kaoru...  
  
"Miss Kaoru?"  
  
Huh!? Kaoru immediately blushed as she snapped back to reality and was face to face with the object of her desires and fantasies. How could she let herself drift off like that? It was only then that she realized Kenshin's hand was lightly touching hers in mild concern. She blushed.  
  
Hard.  
  
One look into those deep indigo eyes reminded her of what he had given her. Not only did he protect her and care for her, he fulfilled that empty loneliness she held, and gave her the company she needed and wanted. And although Kenshin had to work on communication skills when it came to what was on his mind, he sure was one heck of a listener.  
  
"Miss Kaoru?"  
  
Oh, duh... How could she be so dense...?  
  
"Yes, Kenshin?"  
  
"I said, are you alright? You look a little distracted, that you do."  
  
His concern for her, even the slightest concern, was enough to make her week in the knees.  
  
"I'm fine, Kenshin." His name was so nice to say. "It's hot outside, and I'm still a little tired. That's all."  
  
It wasn't all a lie. It was pretty hot out, since the sun had appeared from behind the clouds. From the looks of things, the sky was going to be clear of anymore clouds for some time.  
  
"You should go back to sleep, that you should. I can finish up your chores when I am done with mine. You need a break, anyway."  
  
For a moment she only stared. Then she blinked. Then she blinked again. No way this guy used to be a manslayer. No way.  
  
"I can't...There's so much to be done today."  
  
"I insist."  
  
With that, he gently turned her around, and nudged her shoulder blades as a silent order to walk. He guided her into her room and onto her futon.  
  
Before she knew what was happening, she was in her futon, on her side, nice and cozy, with Kenshin making sure she was fully covered. Even though it was hot, she held the cover closer to her body, just for the sake of Kenshin giving it to her.  
  
Why couldn't she....say anything?  
  
Why didn't she? What was stopping her again?  
  
What was stopping her...?  
  
"Kenshin?"  
  
He was just about to get up a leave when his name had again slipped out of her mouth. He gave her that knee-weakening smile and stayed kneeled next to her.  
  
"Yes, Miss Kaoru?"  
  
"I..."  
  
Was she really going to say it? Here? Now?  
  
Funny, she pictured a romantic time and a beautiful setting and a perfect mood. Ironic she wound up wanting to tell him so bad that she would settle for her messy house with him sitting next to her on her futon.  
  
Heh, things never turn out like they do in stories.  
  
"I...What do you think of...Well, what I meant was..."  
  
Oh no! She was fudging it all up!  
  
"Miss Kaoru?"  
  
Speak!  
  
"Kenshin... We're close, right?"  
  
"Yes, of course we are."  
  
What a relief he didn't say 'close like family'... Whew...  
  
"You don't have to call me Miss. I told you that."  
  
Not exactly what she had intended her next words to be, but it had gotten the conversation going, and they were not stuck in awkward silence.  
  
"Gomen Nasai."  
  
"Yes... Close enough for me to know a lot about you and get closer to you."  
  
Kenshin was good at reading people. Maybe he would read her and know what she was trying to say before she said it. It sure would make things a whole lot easier on her. But however perspective he was of people's thoughts and emotions, he could be incredibly oblivious sometimes.  
  
Like now, for example.  
  
"And I have learned many things from and about you, Miss Kaoru."  
  
Easy come, easy go.  
  
But hey, this could be a good lead.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Sure, it sounded a bit self-centered, but...  
  
"People can learn many things about you. You are a very determined person, that you are, and you fight for what you believe in and what you feel is right. You also have a very large heart that allows you to think of others before yourself."  
  
Ah...  
  
"However, for some time, you seemed to be quite lonely."  
  
...Interesting afterthought.  
  
"But you seem pretty content nowadays, that you do, Miss Kaoru."  
  
Again that smile, and he tilted his head to the left.  
  
"Kenshin..." Damn! Was his name all she could say!? "I..."  
  
Think! Say it, tell him! Now's just as good a time as any!  
  
"I'm not lonely. Not anymore. Not since you came here."  
  
Now we're getting somewhere.  
  
Kenshin reached up to her pretty face and wipe away some liquid that was beneath her eye. She soon after felt her own face with both her hands. Was she crying? Did she love this man that much? Or was it because she was reminded of how incredibly lonely she was until Kenshin came into her life.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"I'm perfect, Kenshin!" She sat up in her futon, feeling a little more comfortable in doing so. She turned her head to meet Kenshin's large and innocent eyes. "I...I care for you so much, Kenshin."  
  
Oh...  
  
She wasn't sure if she had made a mistake or not. Was it the wrong thing to say? It was hard to tell; Kenshin was almost impossible to read. She could see into his eyes, but couldn't see what was going on in his head. He was still looking at her with that indifferent face before inhaling to speak.  
  
"And I care for you."  
  
Whether he meant it in a friendly way or not, those words meant more than the world to Kaoru. But she had to set him straight.  
  
"No, I mean..."  
  
Neither Kenshin nor Kaoru herself was prepared for what happened next. Kaoru, lost in her own dying impatience leaned forward, one hand pressed firmly against Kenshin's chest, and the other instinctively wrapped around his slender neck.  
  
And her lips brushed against his for the briefest of moments.  
  
Hopefully enough to get the picture through his skull... Heh...  
  
What had she done? Kaoru leaned her head against Kenshin's chest, right next to her now trembling hand, intent on keeping her gaze downwards and away from Kenshin's face.  
  
She knew she had either done something to make Kenshin realize her feelings, or to completely push him away from her. She prayed to God it was the former.  
  
Imagine her surprise when she felt a loving hand stroking her dark hair lightly. Amazing how soft and gentle his hands were for being able to handle his sword like he did.  
  
"Kenshin," She practically breathed and she felt an embrace. She started to cry.  
  
She was confused.  
  
What was happening?  
  
Finally she was able to look into the eyes of the man in front of her. What was going on? She was able to read him for once, able to peer into his soul and see what he was feeling and thinking. Was that...What was that she was seeing? It was so foreign and familiar at the same time.  
  
"What...?"  
  
She couldn't form words. How could she? When she herself wasn't sure of what she intended to say?  
  
"Kaoru," Kenshin started. Kaoru almost lost her breath just in hearing him drop the Miss. "You are very young, but you are wise beyond your years, so I know for a fact that your feelings and intentions are true and pure."  
  
Where was he going with this? Was he even going anywhere with this?  
  
"Kenshin, do you...I mean do you think that..."  
  
Kenshin leaned forward and gave her a light sensation on her quivering lips, stealing back a kiss as light as the one she had given to him. Everything was forgotten at that moment. Forget Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, everyone else and whatever they'll say or think. As long as Kenshin was there, it didn't matter. It never mattered. It never had.  
  
It was a strange feeling, though. You have dreams and desires for so long and you become accustomed to them being just that. Dreams. And so you never consider making them real. And if and when it happens, you are unsure of yourself and if it's really real. Sometimes we'd rather stay lost inside our own dreams just for the satisfaction of being in our own make- believe world.  
  
But the first step in making your dream come true is waking up.  
  
Who knew how long they were locked in that embrace. Kaoru never cared, though. In fact, she wished it could last forever.  
  
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A/N: Well, I'm going to come right out and say it. I suck at endings, it's definitely not my strong point and it's something I intend to work on in the near future. For this ending, let your imagination run wild XD Woooooo!!!  
  
Sorry if the length is not satisfactory. Also I am sorry if Kenshin or Kaoru seemed a little OOC.  
  
Reviews, as well as flames are always welcomed.  
  
The quote "...the first step in making your dream come true is waking up." Is not mine. I feel like a jerk not knowing the name of the person who said it once, but I didn't want to take credit for that.  
  
Anyway, God Bless, luvs.  
  
C.V. 


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